Understanding Brat and Critter

Brat and I have made some recent comments lately that probably have some shaking their head in disbelief or disgust. You're probably thinking "Yeah, but which ones are you talking about?"

I'm talking about our tendency to violence when dealing with assholes. Today's society dictates that all violence is a no-no. We say, "Bullshit!" Look around you at the Meth heads and the many sexually perverted people who could at any moment try to harm you. If you do not know how to defend yourself you may not come out of the situation alive. And practice makes perfect, you know. Once when I was 15, some idiot followed me through the graveyard and attacked me from behind. That is another story but he got more than he bargained for only because I knew how to defend myself.

And if our violent attitude crosses with your Christian beliefs, I'm sorry. Turn the other cheeck is for our loved ones or the commoner who makes dumb mistakes. Those we will straighten out with words . . . quick and to the point. But my God gave me this attitude and personally I think gets a kick out of it at times.

Not that we are total badasses . . . we know our limits . . . try to stay away from dangerous people and dangerous situations. Be we don't hassle anyone, are quick to apologize if we hurt your feelings, and expect the same treatment in return.

Now to the men out there giggling and saying, "It'll be a cold day before some woman can whip my ass." Let me tell ya something, buddy . . . it's 34 degrees here in Indiana this morn. Is that cold enough for you? Whoops, that came out little strong. But for those men out there who think I (or Brat) will stand toe to toe and trade punches, you're either crazy or stupid. We know several pressure points that will bring you to your knees, might kick you in your. . . knee (Ha! thought I was gonna say somewhere else, didn't you?), punch you in your throat (kinda hard to fight some WOMAN when you can't breathe), or you may get hit upside the head with something like a huge 5 pound ashtray (Brat's done that) or a car antenna (me). And if you don't know about car antenna's, they make an excellent weapon . . . snap one off (has to be an older model because the new one's don't snap off easy) and it will slice a person's skin like a knife with each contact. And if you think blood bothers us . . . well it does, if it's one of our loved one's bleeding. Otherwise, we just make sure we don't slip in it and give the asshole an edge.

Besides, you may beat me down but I guarentee you, you had better watch your back. I'd have no problem with coming up behind you and whacking you over the head with a two by four. Or putting a knife in your gut (won't kill you, but you'll hurt so bad you'll wish you were dead). I'm not a bad ass, I'm mean when crossed and there's a big difference. I may go to jail but your ass will go to the hospital.

Speaking of knives that reminds me, Brat can handle a knife and has carried one every since I can remember. I used to carry one now and then but I always seemed to cut myself so if a knife is needed I'll call her. I'd rather pack a gun, which Brat wouldn't because she'd probably shoot herself in the foot. See how we compliment each other?

So you're thinking, "I hope I don't cut them off in traffic some day". . . Well, I don't get my blood to boiling over something so trivial. That only warrants a mumbled curse and forgotten 30 seconds later. But if you drive the same route I do on a daily basis and cut me off on a daily basis, I may get your license number, call 911 on my cell, and tell them you driving like a drunk. Then I'd follow you until they pulled you over and laugh my ass off the rest of the way home. Anger is reserved for the deserving. Sweet revenge should bring a smile. And isn't it always better to smile than to be angry?

I have a daughter who is in her mid 20's, lives two states and 500 miles away, and I have instilled this attitude in her. So I worry about her less than if I had shielded her from the harshness of this world. I'll call her J for now, but she is such a trip, she has so many ways of mine but also ways like Brat's . . . I am amazed and can't understand it when an obvious Brat attitude comes across or a statement that could be verbatim from Brat. It would be easy to understand if she grew up around Brat but we haven't lived in the same state since before J was born. And sometimes it would be years before we actually saw each other. Someone explain that one to me.

Anyway, she's quick tongued and meaner than a striped snake when crossed. And very straight forward. And very independent, too independent . . . she doesn't ever want me to give her a helping hand. She wants to prove to me she can make it on her own. So I help her very little and then it's forced on her. Like for Christmas I'm gonna get her a car (good used one, hey, I'm not rich). She will be tickled to almost tears and saying "Mom, you shouldn't have. I could manage." etc. But I worry she will hop a ride with the wrong person and some hunter will find her skeleton a couple of years later. She may have an attitude like mine and Brat's but you DO NOT put yourself in dangerous situations. Being able to defend yourself isn't a guarantee of safety. So she's getting a car for Christmas (if not before) and that's that. Anyway, I'm so proud of how this one has turned out.

Back to the subject at hand . . . Nevermind, I'm tired of that subject. Brat and I have heart too. We tend to want to "fix" situations and people. Neither of us can stand it if someone we care about has a problem or is hurting. We will hang in there with "try this", "do this", "what if you. . .", "would it help if I do . . ." We're givers and I can't tell you how many times that has cost us! We've been used and abused over this. Once we figure out we're being used and abused though, we're done with you, and will give no more of ourselves to you. ( But I'll always love you, son).

Basically, our motto is like the saying:

Laugh

Love

Live

but we would have to add:

Fuck off or I'll fuck up your little world.

So I hope this helps you to understand us a little better. . .